spiritual growth

Mar 31 2011

IF YOU WANT TO BE TAKEN BY LOVE…

I have so been loving helping my ladies with relationships! And some men. And here is one great thing I have learned:

If you want to be taken by a man, be taken by God. If you want to take a woman, take God.

I realize some of you may not like the word God, so you could just as well substitute the word “love.” Some of you may be in same-sex relationships or you may choose to reverse traditional gender roles, in which case just substitute “man” or “woman” as you like. No matter what style of relationship you prefer these principles can apply.

So what might it mean to be taken by God? I will start with what I don’t mean, and ladies you can tell me if any of this sounds familiar…

Having very specific pictures of how your life and relationship should be
Trying to “fix” your man
Holding on to the illusion of control by stuffing your feelings
Resisting or refusing support or guidance

Guess what? Men are attracted to women who are open, expressive and receptive.

Guess what else? Men do appreciate when we’re open and receptive to them, but even better is that we’re open and receptive to life (and when we’re doing that it’s easy to be open to any one person anyway).

A woman whose life is full of wonder and adventure, who feels fully, is very attractive. A woman devoted to the God in her own heart, to love and to faith in something bigger than life’s little details has an easy time surrendering in love and attracting someone worthy of that surrender.

Guess what else? What the masculine most desires is not shiny hair or perky breasts or a great cook. It’s freedom.

Which is why lots of women try so hard on the external level and wonder why they still can’t keep a man. Which is why when we focus more on devotion to love itself, a specific man has more space to come forward than when we focus on him or our expectations specifically.

Yes, the external is important, but when a man feels our internal freedom, on some level he feels his own and he deeply relaxes. When he is not penned in, he wants to enter!

So men, what does it mean by “If you want to take a woman, take God”? As I mentioned, you could replace “God” with “love”… or even, in this case, with “life.”

If you are afraid of life you’ll be afraid of women, and they’ll be turned off by you. By living as if you might die tomorrow, you’ll realize what really matters and live your truth with courage. No woman would scare you, and they would find you irresistible!

Have you noticed that women love successful men? Men that go for their goals no matter what?

It’s not just about the money. Women love men that are fearlessly living their heart’s purpose, who are centered and in their power.

Because when men are strong inside, even if they don’t always do what we want, we can really relax. Ahh! So, men who bend over backwards to please women, please think again!

There is a little yin in the yang and yang in the yin, so you can follow all the “Rules” about being feminine or masculine and still miss something. For women, that something is having your internal freedom even while you are feminine on the outside.

For men, the secret is internal sensitivity. With enough sensitivity you can feel just what your woman needs and give her that in a masculine way. Otherwise you could be the strongest man and she’d be too irritated at your cluelessness to appreciate it.

For men and women alike, the key is in the heart, in love. Letting love lead no matter what.

For the feminine, letting love lead looks more like surrender, openness and vulnerability– with just enough discernment to choose what to open to. The Divine masculine feels into the heart (his and others’) and then acts fearlessly from inner strength.

The reason love feels so good is that we come together as two and remember the oneness we’ve been all along. If we were all the same, we might never be attracted enough to realize this, and that’s the fun of it! On the other hand, if we forgot love, we’d just be needy people drugging ourselves with externally-fulfilling relationships.

Let me know if I can help you sort out what’s going on in your relationships, or just discover how to live a life of greater love! I am excited at the evolution going on now for so many, and I am picturing a happy world of happy lovers!

Jan 23 2011

WHY NEEDY WOMEN AREN’T ATTRACTIVE & THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WANTING & DESIRE

A client asked me the other day whether to reach out to a man she’d been dating, or wait for him to contact her. She is a passionate, enthusiastic woman and yet she wanted to stay feminine.

If you read “The Rules” or a number of popular dating books, or if you ask your Grandma, you’ll probably hear that women (or anyone wanting to play the feminine role in relationship) should never initiate, only respond.

I see the beauty in that, and yet when you throw in psychic dynamics, it’s not so simple.

If you think of him all day and imagine what you want him to say and do, and then he calls you and does it, who made the first move? If you feel empty and lost and desperate for him to fill you up, but you look stunning and act gracious, what kind of man do you think you’ll attract?

The whole package is important, but I find the energetic aspects of relationship are often overlooked. And I’m passionate about sharing what I have learned clumsily through trial and error, before I found teachers and developed what I now understand.

Here is what I told my client, and what I would tell women (or anyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, wanting to play the feminine role in relationship):

Begin now to feel your fullness. The feminine is at home in fullness– for example: the fullness of family, beautiful things, emotions, conversation.

If communicating with a man (or masculine partner) comes naturally as an expression of that fullness, do it. He will feel your fullness and that enlivens and excites him.

The masculine, on the other hand, is at home in emptiness. The masculine finds relief in retreat to the garage or monastery, or in completing tasks and goals.

If your desire to communicate with a man comes out of a sense of need, or trying to achieve something (for example “I have to make plans for Friday night,” “I have to have 2 children before I’m 40,” etc…), then don’t. Because if you’re coming from this space, you’re in your masculine and you’ll either turn him off or he’ll become more feminine to please you. Is that what you want?

And the tricky part is that even if you don’t say a word, if you’re in the space described above he will feel it whether you contact him or not!! So, if you’d like to surrender in feminine bliss, start now and feel it in you and in your life.

Now, about wanting and desire… Consider that “wanting” implies you don’t already have something. That puts you in a space of need and emptiness and pushes away what you want… Ugg!

Of course we want. Otherwise we would be in the monastary too… boring! (in my opinion 🙂

But there is a fine line between wanting and desire. Consider being full, and yearning to share your love and passion. Different, yes?

My teacher used to say that our greatest pains come from not being able to give what we have, rather than from failing to get what we want. If we didn’t have something within us, how would we know to want it? How would we know what we’re missing?

And by the way, when you feel full inside, in touch with your power and passion, just think what a strong man you will attract who can match that. Bonus!

If this resonates, I hope you’ll join “Sweet Surrender”… I am over-full of material to share! 🙂

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Intuitive Healer Ann O’Brien publishes the “Flowering Sol” email newsletter to help you blossom into your light. If you’re ready to open up your intuition and creative power to fulfill your dream life, get your free gifts at www.FloweringSol.com.

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Dec 01 2010

DARE TO SHINE!

A few weeks ago, I went to the DMV here in Santa Fe to get my new license plate and drivers license. It’s amazing the feelings that can come with commitment!

While I waited, I glanced occasionally at the TV (which I normally never watch) that was on in the lobby. I managed to ignore the “news” (read my book instead), but when the commercials came on, I was mesmerized.

Thoughts ran through my head like, “That looks like it was shot in LA. Ahhh, familiar streets and cafes. Everyone looks so good!” I even made a game of guessing what neighborhood each commercial was shot in.

Then I volunteered for the local farmers market, and at the meeting I was giving all the women makeovers in my mind. I thought about it and realized it’s not that the women in LA are all naturally more attractive; they just seem to put more attention on their appearance.

I remember living in Boulder before living in LA, and Boulder was more like here. When I got to LA I felt like I needed all new clothes. I drove 45 minutes to take some of my old ones (all in good condition) to Buffalo Exchange, where the woman working made a face and refused it all saying, “Sorry, nothing here is in style.”

Back in my singer/ songwriter days, I had a photo shoot for my CD. When the photographer asked me to wear my own makeup I said proudly, “I don’t own any makeup.” I remember being embarrassed when I saw someone I knew at the mall.

I was into my “natural” look but what I didn’t realize was there are ways to use “natural” products to enhance one’s “natural” appearance– native people were doing it long before L’Oreal came along!

I had no concept of beauty being a gift to the world that would allow my soul’s light to be seen more easily. I wore baggy clothes which hid my body, and even felt irritated at times when I was noticed.

So in many ways I have come full circle, because now I so wish everyone I see would shine! I’m excited when I find a great boutique. I get so sad when someone seems to be hiding their beauty, because I used to do that.

I am forever and deeply grateful for what LA showed me. Yes, it is a very materialistic culture, and yes, materialism has at times gone hand-in-hand with greed, control, and cruelty.

Yet the earth is material. Our bodies are material. Are they “bad”?

Our physical selves are the form through which we express ourselves. So, besides the obvious benefits of physical health, when we cherish our bodies we support ourselves in being more fully all we are in the world.

Imagine the sweetness of a bright-colored rose in full bloom on a gray day– what a gift it is to see and smell! Many people would stop and notice the rest of the garden or even the whole day, just because of that rose.

I have never known a rose to hide, or apologize because it’s so beautiful, or that it stands out on the street. Yet I meet people with these attitudes.

The advertising industry, however, gets it. Put a beautiful woman on any ad and people will look, listen, and likely buy the product.

Santa Fe is known as being a “spiritual” place. Ironically, since I’ve been here, I am less interested in “spirituality”. Maybe it’s the altitude, but I feel more drawn to living a grounded life.

Again, I feel like I’m coming full circle because I have been into spirituality since I was 14 and am in most people’s eyes a very spiritual person. And, with the recent experience of living in a very materialistic city, I see all this in a new light.

Historically, most spiritual traditions have been masculine and they have emphasized transcending the body. Women weren’t allowed (too distracting :))

In my early studies of Buddhism, yoga and psychic development I received many beneficial things, but very little help with my feelings. I certainly didn’t learn to shine love through my body and bring every cell up to bliss (I figured that out later!)

I realize that for someone new to spirituality, who sees life as black-and-white and completely physical, spirituality might seem “better”. I know in my early days of meditation, I accessed such bliss states that seemed to have no place in my daily life.

But we can only polarize spirit and body, love and money, masculine and feminine for so long before they want to come together. In fact, I think some of the greatest wisdom comes from honoring each unique piece while celebrating all of it!

So, let me ask you, if you imagine a gauge for how much (0-100%) you are “OK” with shining fully in your body right now, what do you get?

If you get less than 100%, perhaps turn it up in your mind’s eye, and see how high you can go. Perhaps ask yourself what you might do today to shine more?

No one ever asked me this, so I am asking you. Shiny people, I hope to see you sparkling, and I bless you in gifting the world with ALL your light!

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Aug 13 2010

ARE YOU AFRAID OF DESIRE?

Do you feel open and excited about life? Or do you regularly dwell on what’s “wrong” in your world, on what you’d like to fix or change?

I spoke with a client recently who wanted to feel connected and was struggling. As I listened to his stories I noticed that he expressed a lot of judgment for his circumstances, and so I understood why he felt stuck.

Some people need to learn to say no, but he was not one of them. His mind was filled with “no”s and in doing so he created the very separation he felt in the world around him.

Without getting rid of the no’s or his feelings, I simply asked him what each “no” was a “yes” to. I saw that focusing on what he wanted and not just on what he didn’t would lead him to the feeling of connection he sought.

It’s easy to do, because the no’s and the yes’s go together. It’s just about looking at things a little differently.

We have been living in world where, generally speaking, the mind has been valued over the heart. The mind excels at “no,” and at discernment, where the heart is a master at YES.

Both are valuable, but most of us could use to get more into our hearts. What I am finding as I travel is that when I am in my heart, MIRACLES happen.

At best, the mind keeps me organized or helps me creatively analyze a problem. But the HEART… ahhh…

Let me tell you a story.

The day I woke up in Colorado with plans to drive south to Santa Fe, I woke with guidance to stay in New Mexico about a month. All I had lined up was a friend of a friend’s couch to sleep on for a few nights, but I trusted and felt excited!

Later that day I was driving through Chama, NM and felt guided to call a friend I’d been in touch with, but whom I hadn’t seen in 2 years. I knew she’d been staying near Taos and would be in Chama that night, so I called and left a voicemail saying I was driving through Chama and thinking of her. I also told her I was guided to stay in NM a month.

A few minutes later she called me back to say she was driving towards me, about 10 minutes south on the same road. So after not seeing each other in 2 years we met at a gas station 5 minutes later.

There, she told me that there had just been a cancellation and that the house she’d been staying in near Taos would be available for the next month! This is the house I’ve been at off and on and it has been my favorite place to stay so far.

Had I listened to my mind or any number of “shoulds” this opportunity may never have arose, but since I trusted my heart I was well-provided for! I am grateful for the many experiences like this that “prove” it to my mind who really does want to come along with my heart after all. 🙂

YES!

And what does your YES say?

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Aug 13 2010

WHERE IS YOUR JOY THIS MOMENT?

If there’s one thing I’m sure of after 23 years of metaphysical study and 13 years of training and practice in intuitive readings, it’s this: God likes suprises. Especially now.

Have you ever thought you were going one way, then ended up somewhere totally different? And then realized you never would have gotten there unless you had headed the “wrong way” to begin with? Hmmmm…

It might make you feel stupid or lost, or like you can’t trust yourself or life. Actually you are doing very well when this happens. It’s just our habits of control or self-judgement that create these unloving stories.

I see people getting so hard on themselves, so frustrated looking for the big A-HA. The name, date and time when they’ll meet of their soulmate. The be-all end-all purpose for their life. And I see this questing paralyzing people.

So what do we do then when we so want to know but can’t predict the future? As I see it, the trick is in enjoying each moment and in following our guidance moment to moment.

And we all can do that. In fact, most of us really enjoy getting permission to do follow our momentary joy.

And I’m here to give you not only permission, but inspiration that it will actually lead you somewhere! Because I think that when most of us DON’T do this it’s because we dismiss it as frivolous or indulgent. it’s not.

Let me tell you a few stories:

Last summer at a retreat in Mount Shasta, I was guided to lead a New Year’s retreat with my friend Julie. I thought it would be in LA area. Julie agreed and then “happened” to meet Puma, who runs Grace Grove Retreat Center in Sedona where we were gave the retreat in January.

After the retreat I wanted to move in there and was strongly guided to stay in touch. As it turns out, Puma and her husband used to work with the Raw Spirit Festival and so recommended me to intern there… where I am headed now!

Another story…

I spent the first 3 days of my trip last week eating food from my car. Good food, mind you, but I was ready for something else so was very excited to find a Whole Foods in Salt Lake City. I got there hungry to a disappointing deli (bless LA and all it’s choices!) so asked the checker where to find a restaurant with organic food.

She didn’t seem to know but meanwhile there was a woman in line who took the time to draw me a map to 2 different restaurants. One of them “lit up” for me so I went only to find the menu didn’t look that great either. Hmmm…

I turned around and there was a Middle Eastern restaurant calling me strongly! So I went and not only had some of my favorite foods, which I had not expected and was delighted to find, but also found some amazing connections!

The waitress told me she was clairvoyant and into raw foods. I gave her the Raw Spirit flyer and she called the chef over who pointed to a man pictured on it. The chef said, “That’s my son. He owns the raw food restaurant here in town.” I felt totally connected in the miraculous flow of life!

Another story…

Years ago I met an amazing man when I was traveling as a singer/ songwriter. At the time I lived in Boulder, CO and was also active in African dance. I was heading down to New Mexico and had the feeling to look for a gig in El Paso, TX which is only a little ways south over the NM border.

So I asked a friend from dance (who had just moved up from El Paso) where I might play and she told me to call her friend, who ran a cafe, for a gig. The friend agreed and promised to promote me and put me up for the night.

When I arrived, the staff working knew nothing about my gig or the promise of a place to stay. So I was about to leave when one couple arrived to see me play. They were missing their singer/ songwriter son who had moved to Austin, and when they heard my story, offered that I stay with them.

My hit on that was “no” but I did agree to go to coffee with them. At the coffee shop, their friend arrived who told us about an African drumming workshop the next day. I had my djembe (African drum) with me and it sounded like fun so I went.

There I met the amazing man who offered I stay with him anytime I was in town. And so I was back several times over the next year and we are still in touch. Turns out, he is also friends with my friend in Boulder who “helped” me get that first gig that fell apart. So crazy and perfect!

If I had asked ahead of time where I’d be or how to get to any of these experiences I think my head would have been spinning, but by following moment-to-moment guidance it’s been so fun and easy every step. It’s nothing I could have figured out!

Is your head spinning trying to get answers? Let me know if I can help you enter the miracle zone instead. 🙂

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