I have a great man! And one of the strengths we both have is communication. I have learned a lot over the years from my own experience in relationships, and now I am blessed with a man who will also tell me in the moment what works or doesn’t work– for him.
Since I talk to women all the time who struggle with this, I thought I’d share my top 10 tips here. Try these and I bet you will draw your guy closer and feel more satisfied with his response to you.
1. Less is more. We women love to “cluck” and explain our process. But, for example, Arthur has trained me to just tell him how much $ I need by what date, not my whole grocery list and what’s on sale where.
2. Ask him when would be a good time to have his presence while you share something. Timing is important… some guys prefer to talk 1st thing in the morning; others prefer the afternoon or evening. If he can never give you his presence, he may not be fully available.
3. Realize he’ll give you solutions your feelings unless you specify otherwise. If you just want to share and be witnessed, say so. Some men may be more open to “witnessing” you than to “hearing” you… FYI.
4. Rather than sharing your ideas, share your feelings by locating them in your body. Bodily-felt feelings cannot be argued with. Sharing ideas can create competition and de-polarize your relationship.
5. A man who’s clear and conscious will tell you what he wants and needs. If he doesn’t, ask him and pay attention to his response to gauge where he’s at. Women often expect men to be subtle like we are, but they usually actually mean what they say. With that said…
6. Pay attention more to his actions than to his words. If he’s calling you a “friend” or saying he’s not sure but showing up constantly, calling you and doing things for you, he’s probably pretty into you. If he calls you his girlfriend and talks about trips to Paris but forgets your dates and can’t meet you emotionally, you might think twice.
7. Use the “sandwich method” (even my husband doesn’t know I have a name for this method J). Men hate to be criticized, and this is my secret when I need to convey something that’s not working for me. Appreciate him, share the “criticism,” and then appreciate him again. Example: “I am so in awe of how focused you’ve been on your work lately. But when you’re gone all week and weekends too, I feel empty in my chest and heart, and it’s hard for me to support you. If we could fun together this Sunday I know it would inspire me to cheer you on in your big success. What do you think?
8. Praise what you’d like more of and ignore the rest. I don’t mean to tolerate abuse, but if you can’t stand him leaving his dirty underwear on the dining table, try sharing how happy you are when it’s clean rather than how gross it is to see another pair of boxers.
9. He will reflect your feelings about yourself and life, even if you don’t share them. Realize that if he’s frequently angry he may be acting out your unspoken anger. If he’s judging you, you may be judging yourself. Tell yourself you’re beautiful, write yourself a love letter, kiss your own lips in the mirror, and notice how he magically starts doing more of those things!
10. Give him energy. Being calm, cool and collected may serve you in business or parenting, but your man chose you to light up his life. Whether you’re feeling excited, angry, or vulnerable, you may be surprised at how he prefers you to express more emotion, not less.
Wondering how to apply these in your relationship? I am available for intuitive readings and can tune in for you.
P.S. I just read # 8 to Arthur, who made sure I know that the boxers on our table are clean. 🙂